In high school, I dated this girl on-and-off for a year. She would always pop into my house when I was not home to talk to my family and sleep in my bed. One day she left a used tampon on the side of the sink. GROSS! It happened 2 more times over a 3-week period. By the 3rd time, I was so over it!

—Scooter

Aftermath: She wrote me notes, poems, songs, ballads, and got even closer to my family.

I accidentally walked in on her while she was taking the nastiest crap I have ever smelled. I almost passed out when I smelled it. I could never look at her the same.

—Michael

Aftermath: We broke it off about a month later.

My new girlfriend, a gorgeous Eurasian Filipina, and I  jumped into bed for a steamy session. I did a reach around to grab her butt, and to my horror, I felt either hemorrhoids or she had shat herself. My d*ck shrank, and I dismounted and sent her home.

—Fila

Aftermath: Over at once

He gave me every sign and I didn’t want to see it. He worked when I went to visit him, left me alone in a train station in a city that I’d never been to before and barely put any effort into our long-distance relationship. By the time I realized how stupid I was for dating him, I just gave up. I was tired and told him we were nothing more than friends. His response: “I understand.”

—Veronica

Aftermath: Never heard from him after that. It’s been about a month, and I’m quickly moving on with my life, and I’ll never look back.

I was lying on his bed, crying, telling him I would be fine if he just came over and cuddled me.

—Just wanted affection

Aftermath: Apparently 5 steps was too far.