best of weird

As I drove her home, she suddenly looked at me in terror and said, “I’m so sorry!” — which was promptly followed by the sound of her full bladder erupting all over my passenger seat.


Aftermath: Oddly enough, I didn’t feel compelled to ask her out again.

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“The lease”

best of weird

After two years together, his lease was up for renewal. I suggested he and I move in together. His response: “You want to live with me and my roommates?”


Aftermath: It lasted another six months before I realized he honestly and truly wasn’t in this relationship for the long haul.

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“Jean shorts”


She offered me her ex-boyfriend’s jean shorts to sleep in. Her guest room was full of her ex-boyfriend’s clothes.


Aftermath: My first clue should have been that the guy before me abandoned an entire wardrobe to get away from this woman.

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She took me to Al-Anon, a meeting for the adult children of alcoholics, for a date.


Aftermath: That was the best part of the evening, even after she took off her clothes.

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“I’m pretty damn funny”


Shortly after we ended things, I searched some of our chats for the times when he made me genuinely laugh. They were few and very far between. It was mostly me cracking myself up with my responses to him. I gotta say, I’m pretty damn funny. He wasn’t. But he sure thought he was.


Aftermath: Taking applications for funny guys who don’t always resort to poop and fart jokes. Although I do love me some of those.

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