“Silver Medal”

best of weird

When I asked him who his best friend was, he said his ex-girlfriend. Who lived with him. Who had left him for his other “best friend,” who also lived with him.


Aftermath: I gave it a sporting chance for about a month, but after that it wasn’t worth trying to play silver medal to his ex.

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“Playstation 3”

best of weird

We had been dating 1 and 1/2 years when he told me one night that I was worth the equivalent of two Playstation 3s to him. And really meant it.


Aftermath: His friend told me later that he meant to say four. I ended it two months later, wish I would’ve done it sooner.

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“To make me jealous”

sex weird

He slept with my coworker to make me jealous. It didn’t.


Aftermath: He tried to commit suicide two nights after the break-up. I stopped feeling sorry for him after the next girl broke up with him and he again tried to commit suicide. Drama queen!



best of weird

As I drove her home, she suddenly looked at me in terror and said, “I’m so sorry!” — which was promptly followed by the sound of her full bladder erupting all over my passenger seat.


Aftermath: Oddly enough, I didn’t feel compelled to ask her out again.

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“The lease”

best of weird

After two years together, his lease was up for renewal. I suggested he and I move in together. His response: “You want to live with me and my roommates?”


Aftermath: It lasted another six months before I realized he honestly and truly wasn’t in this relationship for the long haul.

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