“Gatwick Airport…”


When I started going out with my first girlfriend, she said she had a habit of taking her boyfriends abroad for a holiday, then dumping them at Gatwick Airport to find their own way home.


Aftermath: Had a bad time on holiday. We came back from the Canary Islands; her parents picked me up and were stunned that we were still together. We split up a week later.

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I kept a gun for self-defense because we lived in a shady neighborhood. One day he asked to borrow it. I asked why, and he said, “To kill my ex-wife.”


Aftermath: I changed my locks and eventually my phone number.

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I looked at him and realized that I disliked him so intensely, it bordered on hatred.


Aftermath: Zero days. I kicked him out then and there.


“Steroid patient”

best of weird

He told me about a steroid patient he was treating in the ER for an infected abscess. He then told me that the patient was going to “hook him up and get him into some cool clubs” and that he took the patient’s phone number. I laughed. It was not a joke.


Aftermath: That was the last date. I dumped him via text about a week later.

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“Vampire with bad aim”


One night she turned to me and said, “It’s not going to work out,” then bit me on the arm until I bled.


Aftermath: I never saw her again. I guess I was fortunate to be dating a vampire with bad aim.

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