It Was Over When: Tales of Romantic Dead Ends » weird

Pass the oatmeal

admin — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 13:00:32 +0000

I asked my boyfriend of two months to pass me the oatmeal in his 300 square foot studio. Bemoaning that my laziness would make him late for work, he called me a c*** while snapping my toothbrush in half, just inches from my face. After his tirade, he lay on the floor sweating and hyperventilating, which is what really made him late.

—Amy

Aftermath: We lasted two years, which was seriously skewed judgment on my part.

I am warrior

admin — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 13:00:10 +0000

I walked into his room and found swords hanging on his walls—legitimate samurai swords. When I asked him about it, he had a distant look on his face, and said “I am warrior.” Not “I am a warrior”—just “I am warrior.” Needless to say, I was frightened…and confused.

—Maddy

Aftermath: It lasted about two days after that. I gently ended it of course, after being a bit frightened for my life.

Bad aim

admin — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 13:00:38 +0000

One night she turned to me and said, “It’s not going to work out,” then bit me on the arm until I bled.

—Bill

Aftermath: I never saw her again. I guess I was fortunate to be dating a vampire with bad aim.

Silver Medal

admin — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 13:00:45 +0000

When I asked him who his best friend was, he said his ex-girlfriend. Who lived with him. Who had left him for his other “best friend,” who also lived with him.

—Anne

Aftermath: I gave it a sporting chance for about a month, but after that it wasn’t worth trying to play silver medal to his ex.

Nibbling

admin — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 13:00:24 +0000

The first time we kissed, she bit my lip. I’m not opposed to nibbling, but she busted it open.

—Tony

Aftermath: It last 15 minutes after that.

Playstation 3

admin — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 13:00:39 +0000

We had been dating 1 and 1/2 years when he told me one night that I was worth the equivalent of two Playstation 3s to him. And really meant it.

—Chelsea

Aftermath: His friend told me later that he meant to say four. I ended it two months later, wish I would’ve done it sooner.

A spot on the bed

admin — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 13:00:31 +0000

We both looked at a spot on the edge of the bed and realized that he had left poo skid marks. Neither of us discussed it. He left in a hurry.

—Lindsey

Aftermath: He actually ended it a couple weeks later and got lots of nicknames from my friends. Favorite lines: “Wow. You really f*cked the sh*t out of him.” and “What an a**hole!”

The poor thing

admin — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 13:00:39 +0000

As I waited patiently for her to get ready, her kitten started nuzzling me. I picked the cat up and realized the poor thing had one eye. Then, my date came in, grabbed the cat from me and threw it violently onto the kitchen table, where it struggled to catch itself on the slippery surface before falling off the edge and landing on the hardwood floor.

—Leon

Aftermath: I rushed our date and broke up with her the next weekend.

To make me jealous

admin — Sat, 10 Dec 2011 13:00:30 +0000

He slept with my coworker to make me jealous. It didn’t.

—Jalinda

Aftermath: He tried to commit suicide two nights after the break-up. I stopped feeling sorry for him after the next girl broke up with him and he again tried to commit suicide. Drama queen!

OAB

admin — Sun, 04 Dec 2011 13:30:02 +0000

As I drove her home, she suddenly looked at me in terror and said, “I’m so sorry!” — which was promptly followed by the sound of her full bladder erupting all over my passenger seat.

—oneunfortunateguy

Aftermath: Oddly enough, I didn’t feel compelled to ask her out again.