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“Homework or Stalking?”

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A friend told me about someone who was “in love with me.” I decided to give him a chance. Within two weeks, he started calling me three times a day. Next, he said he was “depressed for no reason.” After a month of dating, I ended things. He preceded to tell me how he did his “homework” before asking me out. He said he asked old high school acquaintances about me for three months! I asked, confused, “you’ve been asking people about me for three months? Knowing everything about me?” He said yes, casually.

— Jan

Aftermath: He never contacted me again. Thank goodness he had a little respect for himself.

This post was submitted by Jan.


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“WINNER! 1, 2, 3… 9, 10, 11”

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My wife and I were sitting around drinking with a bunch of friends. The subject came up over how many times in the last week each couple had sex. My wife went into deep thought, counting on her fingers and then blurted out a number that was more than twice what I had come up with. After I quizzically mentioned my number the look on her face and her whispered “Oh S#!t” was all that needed to be said. The party broke up with everyone apologizing to me.

Aftermath: I now call her my ex-wife. She is almost 40, preggers and misses me. Ahhhh… too bad.

This post was submitted by Scott.


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“Pouter”

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I broke up with my ex after I invited him to my family’s 4th of July vacation and he began to pout because we were being too loud and he wanted to go to bed. It was 9 p.m. on the 4th of July.

—Frances

Aftermath: Just before he left, he accused me of cheating with one of my friends. I wasn’t, but I’m now engaged to him and he doesn’t pout.

This post was submitted by frances.


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“I hate prom”

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It was prom night, and my boyfriend and I were having a great time, until I got too drunk. I was a virgin at the time and ended up having sex with him, that was a horrible mistake. The next day he was acting super weird saying he needed to “talk” so I told him to get it over with. He called me and dumped me for his fatass ex girlfriend.

Aftermath: I later found out that him and his ugly ex had been on 3 dates while we were still together, to this day I hate them both.

This post was submitted by vikki.


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“Mamma Mia!”

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We’d been dating for 6 months when I found out his first kiss was his mom. A mutual friend informed me of this rumor. I thought it was a joke, it had to be, of course. However, when I confronted him (a week or so later), he nonchalantly told me that when he was ELEVEN he wanted to know how to FRENCH kiss properly and asked his mother to demonstrate. That’s how he learned.

Aftermath: Ew! I broke it off immediately upon confirmation. WEIRD!

This post was submitted by Fru.


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