sex

 

“Right?”

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I broke up with my boyfriend for a number of reasons, which I clearly told him: 1) I didn’t love him anymore and 2) I had cheated on him the night before. His tearful response was, “We can still have sex, right?” Um, “No dude, we cannot, and by asking that question you just denied yourself that chance, which yes, probably would have happened.”

–Wes

Aftermath: We did not have sex ever again, but there was one drunken make-out session many, many months later. He also went crazy and somewhat stalked me.

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“Belly Sex”

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My husband and I were having sex on the couch, me straddling him. His small dick slipped out of me and went in between our bellies. He didn’t notice and kept thrusting. He finished about a minute later.

–Lauren

Aftermath: I stayed married to him for 3 more years trying to make it work. Turned out he had been gay since he was a teenager. I was his beard.

This post was submitted by Lauren.


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“Matchbox Car”

sex

His Matchbox car wasn’t close to the size he had claimed.

–Unimpressed

Aftermath: It was the worst sex of my life.

This post was submitted by Unimpressed.


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“Every Three Seconds”

best of sex

He initiated every time we had sex, and each time he would switch positions every 3 seconds, making for a terrible experience… I really knew it was over when I woke up to him masturbating next to me… I just wanted to shower.

M

Aftermath: About 3 weeks later, after some of the most boring sex of my life, I broke it off. We are still friendly, but I just couldn’t get past that.


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“Farmville”

best of sex

Half way through sex, my boyfriend looked at the clock and said, “Oh crap its 4:25 my crops are going to wither!” and proceeded to go to the computer to harvest his crop on Farmville, an online game.

—Sandra

Aftermath: I left and never went back.

This post was submitted by Sandra.


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