He slept with my coworker to make me jealous. It didn’t.
—Jalinda
Aftermath: He tried to commit suicide two nights after the break-up. I stopped feeling sorry for him after the next girl broke up with him and he again tried to commit suicide. Drama queen!
He got skunked in beer pong, a drinking game. The house rules dictated he had to run a naked lap through the woods. Seeing his naked body in the moonlight, I noticed that he looked a lot like photos of Bigfoot sightings.
—Summer
Aftermath: Long enough for me to find out that it’s true that a man loses one inch of “manhood” for every 10 pounds of extra weight.
We were making out, and suddenly we had to stop. He looked over at me and said in that stupid, gruff, three-pack-a-day voice of his, “I wish we had more time—and a condom.” We had barely been dating three days.
—Lily
Aftermath: I broke up with him probably two days later. (He sucked at kissing too.)
She kept telling me that I needed to go to church with her. When I asked why, she said because God loves us and only wants us to love and obey him. I knew it was over when I asked her how she reconciled our premarital sex with her orthodox religiosity and she told me to shut the F up.
—Patricio
Aftermath: We broke up about a month later. The sex wasn’t that good anyway.
She was always teasing me with a 3-way, with another girl. But, when she came home with her new best girlfriend, they had no interest in me.
—Ricky
Aftermath: Divorced 6 months later.
