“Wow, three whole minutes!”


He’s more old-fashioned than I am, and insisted we wait until we were official until we had sex. Finally, we did… it was horrible, silent, missionary-style sex. When he finished, the first thing he did was look at the clock and say, “Wow, three whole minutes.” He then proceeded to stand up, pull up his pants and say, “Now let’s not make this awkward.” Why would it be awkward?? You’re my boyfriend, weirdo!


Aftermath: We never had sex again and I broke up with him a few days later. It made me very glad that I’m not the type to wait until I’m married to have sex… I don’t want any more surprises.



clashes sex

It was over when he mentioned physically beating on each other would be hot foreplay.


Aftermath: He actually did smack me about a week later, but not in any sex play kind of way. I left and that was the end.



chemistry sex

I’d wanted this guy BADLY, and I waited for a long time (we worked together and were both exiting relationships). It was torture, but the good kind. We finally had our chance to be together and he was packin’ heat, but not so great on the side-dishes. I still liked him. Then, he asked “Didja?” (Did I have an orgasm?) I said, “Well, not this time, but no complaints.” Then, this manly Army guy pouted for an hour, then yelled as he was walking to his truck at midnight, “SAY GOODBYE TO THE F***ING LOSER!”


Aftermath: I asked later if he was just joking. Did I misunderstand a humorous gesture? Nope. Pouty McB*tchyman = instantly over.


“Prettier vaginas”

sex weird

We were cuddling and he said, “I love Asian girls. I was just with this white girl. White girls have body hair and cellulite. And Asian girls have prettier vaginas! Can we have sex?”


Aftermath: There was no nookie that night. I dumped him like a bad habit…though not for a few weeks after this.


“Virgin love ordeal”


I got his number through a mutual friend who thought we might hit it off. We started talking via text message for about a month. Through this, I learned he was a virgin. We met, we f**ked. During the awkward ordeal he told me he loved me.


Aftermath: I said, “No, you do not love me… you love my p**sy.” I let him finish and haven’t spoken to him since.