It Was Over When: Tales of Romantic Dead Ends » quirks

Lava

admin — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 13:00:00 +0000

After walking in to my apartment and glancing at my lava lamp she asked, “Is that real lava?”

—Jeremy

Aftermath: We made out and I dumped her a week later.

World of Warcraft (redux)

admin — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 13:00:58 +0000

It was over when I realized that I didn’t love him, that I was in love with someone else, someone who didn’t put the World of Warcraft before me.

—It’s Okay

Aftermath: It lasted another week and I never had the guts to tell the other guy that I loved him. I found out many months later, when I moved across the country, that he had always loved me too.

Beef jerky

admin — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 13:00:32 +0000

We had finished having sex for the first time. He jumped up out of bed and said, “I’m going to 7-11. You want me to get you some beef jerky?”

—TPoppins

Aftermath: I broke it off the next day.

Groceries

admin — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 13:00:03 +0000

It was over when I realized the thing I would miss most about his lying, cheating, sorry ass was his help carrying in the groceries.

—Natahley

Aftermath: We broke up. He moved out. I lugged my heavy groceries up to the fourth floor alone. I met a wonderful man, whom I’m now engaged to. I don’t speak to the loser anymore.

Chase boys

admin — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 13:00:09 +0000

He implied that my girlfriends and I went out on the town to chase boys—and he therefore didn’t think I should go out with the girls. Insecurity = not very hot.

—Bill

Aftermath: I ditched his lame ass and I still never chase boys on girls’ nights.

Thermostat

admin — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 13:00:24 +0000

I should have realized it was doomed when he couldn’t figure out a thermostat because it was too complicated.

—Anna

Aftermath: We dragged on another year, part of which was spent a half continent apart. If we’d stayed in the same house, we’d have split by Christmas.

Shoelaces

admin — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 13:00:11 +0000

I was at the store one day and happened to remember that my skateboarding boyfriend said he needed a new pair of shoelaces. So in an attempt to be a thoughtful girlfriend, I bought him a pair… but it was apparently the wrong kind. When I brought them over the next day, his only response was “If you can’t pay attention to the kind of shoelaces I wear, how can I expect you to understand my needs?”

—L.

Aftermath: We were together off and on for about 2 years, but it was high school so that’s pretty much an eternity.

System of a Down

admin — Sun, 18 Dec 2011 13:00:05 +0000

He cried because his favorite band, System of a Down, broke up. He got angry at me, because I wasn’t being emotionally supportive.

—Cynthia

Aftermath: We broke up a week later, and he still holds a grudge…four years later.

Fish sandwich

admin — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 13:00:32 +0000

We went through the drive thru window at fast food place and he ordered a fish sandwich and pronounced it the “fill-ett o’ fish.” He wasn’t joking and I knew he was just too stupid to continue the relationship.

—Alexa

Aftermath: I broke up with him a couple weeks later and it only lasted that long because the sex was good.

Funeral homes

admin — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 13:00:15 +0000

I wasn’t really sure how much he liked me, and when he told me one day that his uncle had died and he couldn’t have plans because he was going to the funeral, I felt suspicious. I pretty much knew it was over when I resorted to calling a bunch of funeral homes in the region and asking if they were having a service for “Mr. So and So.”

—Jen

Aftermath: It turns out the uncle did die, as I talked to the funeral home where the service was taking place. But my instincts were right; the guy broke things off a few weeks later.