“Bed hog”


My cat stopped liking her when she hogged the bed and kicked him out. She also would crowd me on the bed and push me out while she slept or make me too hot to sleep.


Aftermath: About a month later I bought a house, upgraded to a king sized bed and upgraded to being a single man. Now the bed is all mine, the cat is happy and I have free time again!

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“Family reunion date”


For our third date he told me we were going to a party, but it ended up being his family reunion. It was weird and awkward for me, and I sat alone and miserable all day with no escape because he drove. He also spent the entire drive there trying to pick fights with everything I said to him and the rest of the time talking about how awesome he was! NOT.


Aftermath: He dropped me home and I deleted his number and never contacted him again.

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“Watch me spin”

manners secrets!

I saw a message from a girl on my boyfriend’s MySpace page in which she said mean things about me and called him “better than me.” His response to the message was, “Thanx, come watch me spin at the club.”


Aftermath: It ended many times after that,  off-and-on ’cause he kept weaseling his way back into my life.

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“AA date”


For our second date, he told me he was speaking to a crowd and asked, Did I want to come hear him? Turns out it was an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. And I had to help set up. I left and went to a bar about half way through.


Aftermath: He called me the next morning and left a voice mail saying we’d been together long enough and it was time he met my kids. I deleted the message.




He sprawled himself out across our bed and ate an entire box of Ho-Hos and didn’t leave anything for me but the wrappers.


Aftermath: Three or so weeks, just long enough to move out. Of course, that was really just the last straw and not the cause of the end. He was a mama’s boy, through and through. Ugh.

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