He said, “I’m debating on whether or not I should buy all of the original Goosebumps books. It would only cost me like $75.”

—R.L. Stein

Aftermath: It’s been one month since my birthday, and I still haven’t gotten a present from him.

He sent me a text message that said, “What are you doing later? -Jen” I responded with “My name is not Jen.” He called and told me he was sorry, he didn’t feel like typing a new text message so he forwarded an old one.

—Marisol

Aftermath: I told him I didn’t want to talk to him again and he called me a C-U-Next-Tuesday.

I was on the third date with this guy who seemed really cool. I went to kiss him goodnight, and he told me that he does not kiss on the first 3 dates. He was in his late 20’s, and I do believe this boy has never been kissed.

—Emily

Aftermath: Went nowhere fast!

I accidentally walked in on her while she was taking the nastiest crap I have ever smelled. I almost passed out when I smelled it. I could never look at her the same.

—Michael

Aftermath: We broke it off about a month later.

My boyfriend (Russian) and I (American Chinese) were talking on Skype, and being the internationally inclined nerds we are, we started looking up how to say different things in each other’s languages. He tried saying “I like you” in Chinese, and so I decided to surprise him by saying “I like you” in Russian. Unfortunately I said “I love you.”

—Amanda

Aftermath: He nervously laughed and said “I don’t think I’m ready for that.” Don’t trust online translators. Ever.