“Chocolate Hog”


It was a second date and the guy came over to watch a movie. I had bought one of those huge chocolate bars from Trader Joe’s because I had just started my period and was saving it for one of those nights. He proceeded to eat the ENTIRE thing, shoving a small piece in his pocket to take home with him. Then he fell asleep within 20 minutes of the movie and snored like a train. Second impressions still count, buddy.


Aftermath: I don’t do snoring. And I don’t share chocolate! I ignored his calls after that and there was no third date.

This post was submitted by kelly.

Comments Off on Chocolate Hog

“Be My Valentine?”


*In high school*

I went into her classroom and sang a love song to her to be my Valentine.

She said yes, then no after school.

Figures, she told her friends about what she said.


Aftermath: I went up to her face and said, “B*tch”

This post was submitted by J.


“Missing the point”


I sent my (somewhat bitter) ex a message: “I tried to call you but you turned off your phone, which I think is kinda childish… But anyway. I think I’m pregnant. If I am, I might have to abort. I don’t expect anything from you. Just letting you know out of respect.” He only replied: “I was abroad all day! If that’s being childish… ”


Aftermath: Luckily, I wasn’t pregnant.

This post was submitted by Catarina.


“Sexy, like a lumberjack”


For my 40th birthday my husband bought me flannel pajamas. No surprise party, just the flannels. He said he heard me say I was cold one night. I think that is the first time he ever listened to anything I said.

—Glad I’m gone

Aftermath: I left the flannel pajamas in the middle of the bedroom floor when I left my cheating husband. Who wears pajamas anyway?

This post was submitted by Glad I'm gone.

Comments Off on Sexy, like a lumberjack

“Fool for you”

clashes manners

It wasn’t over when: 1. She ran out crying to her friend’s home and left me with her teen son. 2. She told me that I should hide from her ex-husband so she wouldn’t be sued. 3. She introduced me as her friend. 4. She presumed that she knew more about me than me. 5. She belittled me in front of others. No. After years of enduring humiliations, it was over when she told me, “I’m not happy.” At which point I had a nuclear meltdown.

—Mr. Patience

Aftermath: Love blinds a man from reality. Love makes a man a fool. I am now relieved and happily enjoying the company of someone that appreciates me.

This post was submitted by Mr. Patience.