It Was Over When: Tales of Romantic Dead Ends » manners

The Tudors

admin — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 13:00:44 +0000

He had just moved in with me about a month prior and one day while sitting on the couch together watching “The Tudors” on TV, I noticed he was picking at his toes. A few minutes later, I noticed that he was holding something between his thumb and index finger. Before I knew it, he had put the mystery piece in his mouth and about a minute later I heard a crunch sound. “Are you eating your toenail?” I asked. He looked embarrassed when he said, “Yes, it’s a nervous habit of mine.”

—Bethany

Aftermath: We are actually still living together, but not for much longer.

Sandwiches

admin — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 13:00:10 +0000

My boyfriend would regularly and gleefully make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for random homeless drug addicts but wouldn’t make me breakfast–or lunch or dinner for that matter–without a huge fight.

—Amy

Aftermath: Oddly, he would get angry with me if I made myself food and didn’t share it with him. We lasted a tortuous two years.

Subtle

admin — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 13:00:49 +0000

On our second date, after we went to a movie, he said, “Let’s get a 12-pack and head back to my place.” How subtle can you be?

—Kris

Aftermath: That was our last date. I went back to my old boyfriend and married him.

Strawberries

admin — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 13:00:28 +0000

He introduced me to his best friends, one was a guy and one was a girl. I knew it was over when we were all out to eat and he was hardcore flirting with his best girlfriend and she fed him strawberries at the table. Right in front of me.

—Oh No She Didn’t

Aftermath: He ignored me in public for the next two days and after instigating a conversation, he wrote via text message, “It’s not you it’s me” and “I hope we can still be friends.” We aren’t on speaking terms anymore.

Fast food trash

admin — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 13:00:54 +0000

A guy I had been dating off and on for six months came to pick me up for a date. The floor of his car on the passenger side was littered with fast food trash. He expected me to put my feet where the trash was and didn’t try to clean it up. It was disgusting.

—Noel

Aftermath: After the movie, he borrowed five bucks for gas and took me home. We never went out again.

Wasted!

admin — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 13:00:25 +0000

He called and said, “Me and my friends are in your neighborhood, and we’re wasted! Where are you?” It was 2:00 PM.

—Cathleen

Aftermath: The call came two weeks into the relationship. We haven’t spoken since.

In my friend’s Nissan

admin — Sun, 25 Dec 2011 13:00:47 +0000

She threw up in my friend’s Nissan a block away from her apartment. She was drunk.

—George

Aftermath: It was over after I carried her to the door. I never saw her again, but the throw up stain is a reminder of that dreadful night.

Belittle

admin — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 13:00:53 +0000

I was out of work and my friend was paying all the rent himself and providing food for the entire household. My girlfriend thought it would be a fantastic idea to belittle him and call him pathetic because of his hobbies (which were the same as mine).

—Jezzter

Aftermath: Three months later, I ended it.

White ball of flame

admin — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 13:00:52 +0000

I knew it was over on our second date when he threw his legs over his shoulders and proudly lit a thunderous fart on fire with a lighter.

—Tiff

Aftermath: Ended shortly thereafter, for obvious reasons. The white ball of flame was impressive, though.

Perch

admin — Sun, 11 Dec 2011 13:00:09 +0000

He kept climbing up on things. We’d go to a bar and he’d climb on the pool table or the bar or whatever else and perch on it. I think he thought it made him interesting, but it really just made him look like a tool.

—BlueCanary

Aftermath: He started wearing black eyeliner right around the same time I stopped returning his calls.