“LSAT sleepover”


The night before the LSAT exam, my boyfriend drove his fancy car to my place instead of his Mazda, even though I live in a shady neighborhood. He kept me up all night because he would look out the window at every noise he heard to make sure the car was OK. Took the LSAT on 0 hours of sleep. The next day, having taken the LSAT and having been awake for 40 hours, I escorted him and his family to a tractor pull at a county fair. He whined that I was selfish and never did what he wants to do.


Aftermath: Three to four weeks later. LSAT results were in. I ended up getting 11 points lower than I had ever gotten on my lowest practice LSAT— all because I was sleep deprived because of his stupid car.

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“Flea-infested cat”

best of clashes

She took all the money inside our joint account and left me with her flea-infested cat. I hate cats.


Aftermath: I had the cat neutered.


“Photo album”

best of clashes

After a very dull first date, we went to his house where he pulled out photo albums and started showing me pictures of a camping trip with his ex-girlfriend. Even stranger: I was a total doppelganger for her.


Aftermath: I texted to cancel our next date. He called 9 times, leaving 4 sad messages, the last of which was many minutes long, full of tears & whyyyyy, elizabeth whyyy! I played it on speakerphone for my friends.

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We were having a great conversation at dinner, full of laughs, and she suddenly changed the subject and shouted in a voice that commanded the whole restaurant’s attention: “I hate politics. My family told me that Obama is going to raise our taxes — and we’re only working-class!” Then she blurted out, “My Dad only makes about $3 million a year, before taxes!”


Aftermath: She was spoiled, rude, and uninformed, but more importantly than that, I was a full-time intern on the Obama campaign and a devoted political science major. I never called again.


“Burger King”


Went out with a Korean customer recently in the U.S. He called before the date & kept repeating, “Jennifer. Jennifer. I like you. Do you like me?” I went anyway. Our first stop was Burger King. He sat next to me & kept rubbing my leg and I kept removing his hand. No real conversation. Then to a dive bar where he rubbed my leg & still no conversation. In his car, he kept pawing my chest. I had to apply a joint lock to remove his hand.


Aftermath: It was over at the BK, but I finished the date. A girlfriend who spent time in Korea later told me that most Korean mens’ only exposure to American women was in the movies, and therefore thought we were all “easy.”

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