clashes

 

“Guns vs girls”

best of clashes

Birds were chirping outside my window and she complained about the birds. I pulled out a pellet gun, and she flipped out. She said, “For future reference, it’s always a bad idea to pull out a gun when you have a girl in your bed.”

—rs

Aftermath: She left and never saw me again.

This post was submitted by rs.

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“Temper Tantrum”

clashes

He had a temper tantrum when I wouldn’t let him get a flat screen TV. He actually said “Well fine, from now on I’m just going to say no to everything you want.” Then he refused to speak with me for the rest of the day.

—Dawn

Aftermath: I want a divorce, but I don’t know how to go about getting started.

This post was submitted by Dawn.

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“No Coffee”

clashes

I knew it was over the day he stood in the kitchen yelling at me because we were out of coffee.

—Much Happier Now

Aftermath: I’ve been divorced from him now for 8 years.

This post was submitted by Much Happier Now.

5

“Getting Even”

best of clashes

My wife of 20 years cheated the 1st time with her boss & the 2nd time with our Roman Catholic priest. She cried & begged me to stay. I did & watched her spend all her savings to nice me up while I saved every cent. Now she is broke & brokenhearted and can’t pay next months rent. She will be evicted. I’m leaving this weekend fully satisfied and vindicated.

—Louis

Aftermath: I won’t even say good-bye. She’ll have to figure it out.

This post was submitted by Louis.

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“Spielberg’s Purple Jaws”

best of clashes

During the 2009 Golden Globes there was a tribute to Steven Spielberg. He said, “Spielberg didn’t direct Jaws.” I said “What?!” He said, “He may have produced it, but he didn’t direct it.”

Pause. “He didn’t direct The Color Purple, either.”

—Dirks

Aftermath: I moved out.

This post was submitted by Dirks.

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