The rules for the first date: no french kissing, no touching. A hug was ok.  The rules for the second date? If I am still around after 1 month, we can have sex. (“Are you kidding?” I say.) Bam – 2 months. (“You serious?”) Bam – 3 months.

—Ken

Aftermath: I told her I wouldn’t last 3 months. She said, “Your loss, isn’t this worth it ?” Shook her BIG TITS. Told her at 50 years of age, they definitely would not stand up to my rules.

After we had 3 kids she got lazy. She lays around the house and yelling orders…just like her MOTHER!

—TJ

Aftermath: I’m waiting for my youngest son to turn 18! 15 years to go!!!!

First date: I’m driving her home and we’re talking about how the car handles. She wanted to see if it was a boast because she waited until the last second and said, “Turn there!” It was tight.

It was over when she lied. I could see her grinning through the turn. I’m thinking if she’s going to be that devious to cover a bad joke, what’s she going to hide from me later?

—nine0eight

Aftermath: I walked her to the house and told her I thought she was a nice girl but not much would come of it.

We were planning our wedding and my best friend offered to play at the reception for us. Oher than a one-time hook-up in college, we had always been platonic. My now-ex proceeded to say he could “never have children with a woman who slept with a dirty jew.” I threw him out in the middle of the night and never saw him again.

—KE

Aftermath: I told my doorman to never let him up to my apartment again. A few months later, he proposed – with my ring – to his Aryan, psycho ex who harassed me throughout our relationship. Good riddance!

It wasn’t over when: 1. She ran out crying to her friend’s home and left me with her teen son. 2. She told me that I should hide from her ex-husband so she wouldn’t be sued. 3. She introduced me as her friend. 4. She presumed that she knew more about me than me. 5. She belittled me in front of others. No. After years of enduring humiliations, it was over when she told me, “I’m not happy.” At which point I had a nuclear meltdown.

—Mr. Patience

Aftermath: Love blinds a man from reality. Love makes a man a fool. I am now relieved and happily enjoying the company of someone that appreciates me.