“World of Warcraft, naked”


A month before our five-year anniversary, he told me he couldn’t make love to me because I’d become so fat that he couldn’t stand looking at me naked. I gained about 11 lbs, or 5 kg. Four months before that, he weighted 275lbs (125kg), so I told him he was a hypocrite. He then apologized, but started sleeping with another woman whom he met on a World of Warcraft server.


Aftermath: We lasted for another 15 days, tried to be friends for months but it always ended with him trying to sleep with me. Four months later, I met a guy who showed me what a loving relationship should look like.

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“Joint custody”

best of clashes

He called me a c*** because I told him it was stupid that he and his ex-girlfriend had joint custody of their dogs.


Aftermath: We tried to make it work, but after he said he wasn’t sure if he would love his child more than his dogs, I was done. We haven’t talked in over a year…thankfully.

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“Drew me a graph…”

best of clashes

We were fighting one day and he drew me a graph on his whiteboard of hours spent together vs. utility derived from the relationship. He argued that us going on nice dates is just as good as him sitting on my couch playing video games for eight hours. Not only did he graph our relationship, he completely missed the concept of diminishing marginal utility. Good job, econ major.


Aftermath: We broke up the next morning, and were on and off for a few more months. Maybe his social sciences improved with the next girl.

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best of clashes

He thought that dinosaurs were a conspiracy theory.


Aftermath: I pretended I didn’t hear.

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“Mom broke us up”


It was over when my Mom broke us up. She was my first girlfriend.


Aftermath: She’s marrying another guy in August…you win some, you lose some.

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