“Real Estate”


He told me how he was looking forward to taking a real estate class and how it was going help him earn a lot of money.


Aftermath: Didn’t really see him after that.


“Clown Makeup”

best of chemistry

My boyfriend said, “I think clown makeup is really sexy.” Shortly thereafter, he whispered in my ear “Seriously, babe, it’s a major turn on.” He wasn’t joking.


Aftermath: I broke up with him that night. For the 4 months that we dated, I always thought he said and did really weird things to be goofy. He was definitely serious about all of it.

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“Kimmy Gibbler”


One night I realized that my South African boyfriends’ accent annoyed me more than Kimmy Gibbler annoyed Danny Tanner on “Full House.” He realized that I hated him and broke up with me on G-chat that night


Aftermath: My best friend de-friended him on Facebook and told him to go “stoff himself.”


“Two weeks”


After knowing each other for two weeks, he told me he loved me and thought our kids would be gorgeous. I got up and left immediately without saying a word.


Aftermath: He called a few times after that, but I think he knew he had crossed the line.

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We went bowling on our second date and he hugged me and tried to kiss me after every turn (mine and his). He was constantly trying to touch me, even if it was just reaching out and touching my arm for no reason. I told him I needed space; he told me he thought he was falling for me.


Aftermath: I broke it off the next day and he cried. He still emails me to tell me about how he is doing, even though I haven’t responded in months.

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