We worked together at a bar and you know how that goes: Sweaty work tensions can be relieved with sweaty play. One night after closing the place, we end up back at her studio apartment and go directly bed-wards, where things were marvelous. Afterward, as she slept, I had to use the bathroom and I noticed something very strange about her apartment. She didn’t own a single book. Not one. Not even a thriller or a bodice-ripper or a Reader’s Digest Condensed Classic. That was that.

—Will

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About a year or so into our relationship, my first significant girlfriend made me a mix tape. It was then that I learned that she really, actually, genuinely LIKED the Steve Miller Band. I probably already knew this, but the reality of this fact didn’t hit me until I got that mix tape, popped it in the boombox, and heard the opening riff to “Space Cowboy.” Had I followed my gut reaction at this exact moment, I would have dumped her for good and never talked to her again. I F***ING HATE STEVE MILLER.

—Collin

Aftermath: This relationship dragged on and off tortuously for more than FOUR years.

8

I met a guy who worked at Pet Smart, and we went on a date the next Friday. We went back to my place, and I went to put on my sexy lingerie. I came out to my date simulating doggy-style sex with my dog. I proceeded to watch him slap my dog’s *ss. After I interrupted the two, he said my dog had a nice *ss.

—Andrew

Aftermath: I had to give my dog up for adoption. Unfortunately for Rover, he ended up with an adoption agency that was located in the same Pet Smart the guy worked at. The agency called me a day after giving him up, saying Rover had been adopted.

This post was submitted by Andrew.

8

I had been dating this army guy for about 2 months. He lived with a roommate, but his roommate was gone for the night. I knew it was over when after spending hours doing my hair, make-up, and putting on my sexiest bra, I got to this guy’s house to find him playing Halo. He continued to play X-box for 5 hours by himself, while I went to bed downstairs alone.

—J

Aftermath: We broke up a month later. No biggie — the sex was brutal anyway.

This post was submitted by J.

8

We’d been best friends for nearly 13 years. We touched, rarely kissed, never had sex. I finally said she needed to make a choice. She left her husband after he said he only loved her and their youngest son because he was supposed to.

She stayed 18 days. Her husband turned into a decent person – she had to give him another chance. But once she left me, I don’t give second chances.

—eridanis

Aftermath: and here she’s acting happy….but I am living real.

This post was submitted by eridanis.

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