chemistry

 

“Earth First”

best of chemistry

We were talking after sex one night, and she mentioned that the environmental movement was a secret government plot to keep us scared and obedient. I’m am energy efficiency consultant and activist who takes my impact on the Earth very seriously. I asked her if she knew what her statement meant for me. She responded “Well, you can’t blame me if you’re wasting your life.”

Ran3dy

Aftermath: After coming to terms that she was dead serious, I asked her to leave. It was midnight and she lived 50 miles away, but I couldn’t stand the thought of wasting another minute of my life with her.

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“Real Estate”

chemistry

He told me how he was looking forward to taking a real estate class and how it was going help him earn a lot of money.

Jan

Aftermath: Didn’t really see him after that.

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“Clown Makeup”

best of chemistry

My boyfriend said, “I think clown makeup is really sexy.” Shortly thereafter, he whispered in my ear “Seriously, babe, it’s a major turn on.” He wasn’t joking.

—Chelsea

Aftermath: I broke up with him that night. For the 4 months that we dated, I always thought he said and did really weird things to be goofy. He was definitely serious about all of it.


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“Kimmy Gibbler”

chemistry

One night I realized that my South African boyfriends’ accent annoyed me more than Kimmy Gibbler annoyed Danny Tanner on “Full House.” He realized that I hated him and broke up with me on G-chat that night

Lindsay

Aftermath: My best friend de-friended him on Facebook and told him to go “stoff himself.”

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“Two weeks”

chemistry

After knowing each other for two weeks, he told me he loved me and thought our kids would be gorgeous. I got up and left immediately without saying a word.

—Lo

Aftermath: He called a few times after that, but I think he knew he had crossed the line.


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