chemistry

 

“Clown Makeup”

best of chemistry

My boyfriend said, “I think clown makeup is really sexy.” Shortly thereafter, he whispered in my ear “Seriously, babe, it’s a major turn on.” He wasn’t joking.

—Chelsea

Aftermath: I broke up with him that night. For the 4 months that we dated, I always thought he said and did really weird things to be goofy. He was definitely serious about all of it.

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“Kimmy Gibbler”

chemistry

One night I realized that my South African boyfriends’ accent annoyed me more than Kimmy Gibbler annoyed Danny Tanner on “Full House.” He realized that I hated him and broke up with me on G-chat that night

Lindsay

Aftermath: My best friend de-friended him on Facebook and told him to go “stoff himself.”

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“Two weeks”

chemistry

After knowing each other for two weeks, he told me he loved me and thought our kids would be gorgeous. I got up and left immediately without saying a word.

—Lo

Aftermath: He called a few times after that, but I think he knew he had crossed the line.

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“Bowling/falling”

chemistry

We went bowling on our second date and he hugged me and tried to kiss me after every turn (mine and his). He was constantly trying to touch me, even if it was just reaching out and touching my arm for no reason. I told him I needed space; he told me he thought he was falling for me.

—J

Aftermath: I broke it off the next day and he cried. He still emails me to tell me about how he is doing, even though I haven’t responded in months.

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“Reptile eyes”

chemistry

I noticed her eyes looked like that of a reptile. They were dry, and completely red and glazed over, and it appeared as though she had some kind of condition with her tear ducts. It was intensely absurd and I lost all attraction to her.

—Ty

Aftermath: She tried to lose her virginity to me that night but I felt bad that I wasn’t into her. We passed out and didn’t talk again after that. Whoops.

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