I went to a New Year’s Eve party and thought, “You are ugly and I’m not attracted to you.” I was only dating her to get in her friend’s pants.

—Brian

Aftermath: I broke it off New Year’s Day. God, I’m such an a**hole.

6

She spent our date telling me how she’d had an affair with our waitress, which was fine. That happens when you date a stripper—it’s half the reason you date a stripper. But, when she took me home, she drove demon-fast, erratically and sang over an ear-splitting stereo. She then flashed the cars next to us while swerving into their lane.

—Rob

Aftermath: I never called her again, though she did show up at my house on her break, wearing a waist-length blond wig. I turned her down gently, not telling her that she was two degrees too crazy for me.

8

We were sitting on his couch, talking about our derailing romance, hashing out whether we’d be able to remain friends. And then the subject changed to his career aspirations. As he spoke so animatedly about what he wanted to do, a light went off in my head: I could never be with someone whose job I didn’t really give a s*** about. That’s when I said abruptly: “Oh my gosh, we can totally be friends!” He looked confused.

—Jenna

Aftermath: A few weeks later, I met a fascinating urban planner.

6

He wasn’t my conversational equal. I’d suspected as much all along: We’d talk about one or two things, come to a lull, and I’d mentally declare “cuddle time!” It was springtime, and I guess the fever had gotten to me. Anyway, I knew it was a bad sign when we were on the phone and I’d wish one of my friends would call me to rescue me from our lame conversations.

—Carmen

Aftermath: After an intense month of hanging out or talking every day (about jack s***, apparently), we called it quits.

6

I figured out he was just agreeing with everything I said and did. It was creepy, really. Like he had no personality of his own.

—Suzanna

Aftermath: I waited until after St. Patrick’s Day to break up with him. It was a big day for his restaurant, and I wanted to support him. Unfortunately, I got completely blotto and ended up puking in his bathroom all night. The next morning I told him we “just didn’t have anything in common” and had the best drive back to my house ever.

5