It Was Over When: Tales of Romantic Dead Ends » chemistry

Oompa Loompa

admin — Tue, 15 May 2012 13:00:55 +0000

I love the beach, it’s my happy place. But when I took him there, he whined about the sand like a little bitch.

—A

Aftermath: We stayed together for 4 years & he continued to be Debbie Downer. After we broke up, I watched Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory for the first time since 3rd grade & realized he strongly resembled an Oompa-Loompa.

Gibbler

admin — Tue, 08 May 2012 13:00:27 +0000

One night I realized that my South African boyfriends’ accent annoyed me more than Kimmy Gibbler annoyed Danny Tanner on “Full House.” He realized that I hated him and broke up with me on G-chat that night

—Lindsay

Aftermath: My best friend de-friended him on Facebook and told him to go “stoff himself.”

Jeans

admin — Wed, 02 May 2012 13:00:59 +0000

He told me he didn’t own a pair of jeans. He wore athletic shorts and sweatpants all winter.

—S

Aftermath: I actually moved in with him a year later, then moved 500 miles away the year after that.

House hunter

admin — Sun, 29 Apr 2012 13:00:04 +0000

He said he’d marry me when he bought a house. We looked at about 20 houses—none were good enough. He opted for buying a car instead. I knew right then that he’d never be able to commit to me. I dumped him a week later, on Tax Day.

—Julia

Aftermath: He was married within a year to someone else. From what I hear, it’s not a happy union either.

Ribs

admin — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 13:00:57 +0000

I realized that only thing I’d miss about him was the ribs he’d make.

—Marla

Aftermath: Broke it off about a week later.

Date-ability

admin — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 13:00:26 +0000

I knew it wouldn’t last long after she told me that I had passed her guy “date-ability” list, missing only one out of 34 requirements. I thought she was kidding until she showed me the actual checked off list.

—LA boy

Aftermath: One week.

Hot & heavy

admin — Sun, 22 Apr 2012 13:00:45 +0000

We were pretty wrapped up in a hot & heavy make-out session when all of a sudden he said to me in a really pathetic, seductive sounding voice, “I wish I could remember what color your eyes are.”

—Brown-Eyed Girl

Aftermath: Stopped returning his calls and haven’t spoken to him since.

Continents apart

admin — Fri, 20 Apr 2012 13:00:29 +0000

We were both going abroad and wouldn’t see each other for 7 months. He said he couldn’t do distance, even though we were long distance for several years in college. We went on a break.

—Delfina

Aftermath: He started dating a girl from the country he visited. They’re still dating 3 years later, and they’re continents apart.

Four weddings

admin — Wed, 18 Apr 2012 13:00:48 +0000

We attended four weddings on successive weekends and I felt nothing except a feeling of being trapped and heading toward mediocrity. I really wanted to love her the way she loved me and tried very hard to, but in the end I couldn’t force it on myself.

—Heartbreaker

Aftermath: I had this revelation after a year of dating and almost ended it then, but relented when she began crying. We dated two more years. I broke up with her the week after the last wedding. It was heart-wrenching to hurt someone so bad. I hope to never have to do it again. She met someone else and we are both better off, I think…

Two weeks

admin — Thu, 12 Apr 2012 13:00:53 +0000

After knowing each other for two weeks, he told me he loved me and thought our kids would be gorgeous. I got up and left immediately without saying a word.

—Lo

Aftermath: He called a few times after that, but I think he knew he had crossed the line.