He got skunked in beer pong, a drinking game. The house rules dictated he had to run a naked lap through the woods. Seeing his naked body in the moonlight, I noticed that he looked a lot like photos of Bigfoot sightings.
—Summer
Aftermath: Long enough for me to find out that it’s true that a man loses one inch of “manhood” for every 10 pounds of extra weight.
He invited me over to watch the new “Battlestar Galactica” miniseries. After it was over, he declared that the decision to run from the Cylons was cowardly, though he acknowledged that to stay and fight meant the end of the human race. A true patriot would have fought anyway, he said. Then he informed me that the show was obviously anti-Iraq war propaganda, and that he was a fervent supporter of President George W. Bush.
—Shannon
Aftermath: I would have ended it right then, but felt bad because we had already purchased tickets to see the premiere of the last “Lord of the Rings” movie with mutual friends a few days later.
While watching the last “Lord of the Rings” movie, he spent the entire movie whispering to me like an old woman, “Who is that? What are they doing? Is that the bad guy? Where are they going now?“
—Shannon
Aftermath: This made it easy to pull the plug.
I wasn’t really sure how much he liked me, and when he told me one day that his uncle had died and he couldn’t have plans because he was going to the funeral, I felt suspicious. I pretty much knew it was over when I resorted to calling a bunch of funeral homes in the region and asking if they were having a service for “Mr. So and So.”
—Jen
Aftermath: It turns out the uncle did die, as I talked to the funeral home where the service was taking place. But my instincts were right; the guy broke things off a few weeks later.
As I drove her home, she suddenly looked at me in terror and said, “I’m so sorry!” — which was promptly followed by the sound of her full bladder erupting all over my passenger seat.
—oneunfortunateguy
Aftermath: Oddly enough, I didn’t feel compelled to ask her out again.
