best-of

 

““Sheet” stain”

best of manners

His mother disliked me and we were secretly seeing each other. He had reserved a room for me at the local motel…We fooled around, then he got up to go to the bathroom, returned, sat on the bed, got dressed and left. Then, I noticed something on the sheets. He hadn’t thoroughly wiped and had left diarrhea stains.

—Ericka

Aftermath: I knew right then that I couldn’t be with someone who was ashamed of me, and I definitely couldn’t be with someone who couldn’t properly wipe their own ass. I broke up with him about ten minutes later via AIM. He tried to convince me to reconsider, but there were other problems far before that. His mother was always wiping his ass for him, so I guess he didn’t know how to do anything for himself.

This post was submitted by Ericka.

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“Mountain Mama”

best of weird

It was a long-distance relationship. One summer he took me on a trip to West Virginia. We stayed in a huge cabin that he’d been to before, hiked trails he’d hiked before, and had a lot of impersonal sex. He barely talked to me the whole trip. I realized that he was trying to relive a relationship with his ex-girlfriend, who had left him over a year ago.

—Chanelle

Aftermath: When I finally got home, I called him to dump him.

This post was submitted by Chanelle.


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“Cake”

best of manners

When he told me he liked my mom’s cake better than mine. Never mind that I baked it for his birthday and decorated it. He ate one slice and wanted to throw the rest away. The cake was fine—my family ate the other half and loved it.

—Lacy

Aftermath: I stayed with him (like an idiot) for a few more months. It took 4 times of me telling him it was over for him to get it. Then he ruined a friend’s wedding by pouting in a corner.

This post was submitted by Lacy.

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“Four Years to Make a Man”

best of secrets!

Year one: We diet and go to the gym together.
Year two: He gets plastic surgery from all the weight he lost from year one.
Year three: He is happier and I push him for a new job, while I start house hunting.
Year four: I buy him a laptop for X-mas and put the down payment on his new car.
Year five: My skinny, good looking boyfriend uses his laptop to find a new girlfriend that he impresses with his new car and three-flat financial investment.

—Monika

Aftermath: I am living with a new boyfriend that I don’t have to buy a thing for and I am the happiest I have been in five years. Lesson learned.

This post was submitted by Monika.


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“Identity Theft”

best of secrets!

I’d been dating David for about 6 months and we were about to embark on a 3-week vacation with our dogs. A couple days prior to departure, his brother—DAVID—calls me. Turns out, while he was overseas on a work assignment, his brother (the David I was dating) was “house sitting.” Basically, everything I knew was really part of the overseas brother’s life and identity.

—Sharon

Aftermath: The real David had the fake David committed to the local mental hospital upon returning home. He only found out about me from one of his neighbors, which led him to search for my number and call. The three of us had one visit together the night before vacation. Next day, I went on to Montana by myself with my dog and was totally over this chapter after an hour on the road.

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