best-of

 

“Family Plan”

best of secrets!

I was dating an older, successful military man who pursued me for a year before I relented. He had to travel often, and would fly me to see him. Then I got a phone call from his wife.

—Crystal

Aftermath: Turns out he had girlfriends all around the country who he fly to see him, but his wife doesn’t believe in divorce and they have two children together already. I sent him a final e-mail asking him how he’ll handle it when his daughter has men like him using her. He still pays for my cell phone, which is on his family plan!

This post was submitted by Crystal.

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“Bottom of the Ocean”

best of weird

I dated this gal for a few weeks. She told me that she would swim to the bottom of the ocean for me. I told her that her head would explode. She said it would be worth it for me.

—Mr. E

Aftermath: Nice to be held in that regard, but I got the hell out of Dodge!

This post was submitted by Mr E.


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“Once…ok…twice?”

best of sex

During sex, she called me by the wrong name. Worse, it was her roommate’s name. Then she did it again. Also, her roommate was gay.

—John

Aftermath: That was about it for me.

This post was submitted by John.

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“The Other Girl”

best of sex

In high school, I kept hooking up with an ex after he dumped me for a new girl who easily had 20 pounds on me. I hated her, so I didn’t care that I was the other girl. This continued through part of college, until they broke up. He still wanted to hook up, even though he had another new girlfriend. I realized that I’d only been sleeping with him out of spite for all those years.

–The Other One No More

Aftermath: I never hooked up with him again. He is still with his new girlfriend, and has probably cheated on her too. I have met someone who is so much better for me and to me, and will never be the other girl again.

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“Sideshow”

best of weird

My first shot at online dating was with a guy who was a sideshow performer. Despite the odd job, he was cute and polite. Then during our date he proceeded to speak in different accents, tell me about his frequent visits to “massage parlors,” and constantly pat his face with a hanky from his pocket. He also talked nonstop, especially about his failed 4-year relationship. I ignored the negative signs and invited him to a party a week later where he made joking references to me being a dog and told me to eat the dog’s food.

–Ty

Aftermath: We lived an hour apart so I didn’t have to feel obligated to see him again. I eventually began ignoring his calls. Suffice to say, I’m done with online dating.


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