best-of

 

“Poor Aim”

best of manners

After a long night out with his guy friends, he came home, didn’t realized both the toilet seat and lid were down and proceeded to urinate all over the toilet, the floor and the wall.

–J

Aftermath: After making him clean up (to my standards), we were together for more than a year after (4 years total.)


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“My Jeans”

best of chemistry

He found my jeans on the floor and pulled them on, thinking they were his. They fit. And they looked kinda good. And he danced around in them for a second, reveling in the fit.

–K

Aftermath: We broke up for other less ambiguously gay reasons not long after. but this is the horrifying moment I remember, over and over again..

This post was submitted by k.

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“King’s English”

best of chemistry

I dated a guy who was way into the Society for Creative Anachronisms and wanted me to join because I owned a horse and his “kingdom” needed a jouster. I dumped him when he mandated that we only speak in the King’s English to each other.

–Anastasia

Aftermath: Last I heard, he thought he was a neo-romantic a la Bryan Ferry. At least he’s in this century now.

This post was submitted by Anastasia.


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“I’m just bloated”

best of secrets!

It was over when she could no longer hide the growing fullness of her belly. I had had a vasectomy three years earlier.

–James

Aftermath: Her lies revealed and my suspicions confirmed, she moved in with her baby-daddy.


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“Chow”

best of chemistry

She couldn’t cook, I love to. Great dinner on the stove, she pops the fridge and proceeds to chow down on chips and dip. Then, “I’m not hungry.”

–Chris

Aftermath: Things went downhill from there pretty fast. Serious heartburn, but hey, life goes on. Always vet the eating habits. The good part: Funny, exciting, ooh the sex. The breakup came after 4 months living together. No amount of bed fun can outweigh something you do three times daily.

This post was submitted by Chris.

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