best of weird

It should have been over when he told me he had sex with his sister. They weren’t blood related, but raised from toddler age. Their parents supported their sick relationship. I figured he loved me when he stopped seeing her on their “Wednesday nights” and asked me to marry him. What a mistake. He never slept in the same bed with me, and would only touch my arm with his finger as a sign of affection. I asked him if he had been sexually abused and he screamed, “No!” like a frantic woman.


Aftermath: A few sad, pathetic years. During that time he stashed away $50,000. I asked for no alimony. I am with my real husband now and our life is blessed!


“Social Anxiety”

best of clashes

My best friend’s mom died when we were 17. My boyfriend at the time was a friend of hers too, and we both went out of state to be with her for the funeral. He spent the whole weekend whining about his social anxiety disorder and how he hated the food everyplace we wentin front of my friend who had just lost her mother.


Aftermath: It lasted two more months. I talked to him less and less while he whined about how much he missed me, and then I met someone else at a ballroom dance class.


“Doubling Up”

best of sex

He got mad at me for doubling up on birth control to postpone my period so we could have sex after being away from each other for a week. He seemed to think this was going to somehow get me pregnant.


Aftermath: I tried to talk to him a few times, but gave up when he refused. We never spoke again. Ever.


“At least he was clean…”

best of sex

After sex, I asked him why he spent so much time in the bathroom before returning to bed, and he said “I had to wash my genitals.”


Aftermath: It ended one month later, which was one month too long.


“Sniffing Redux”

best of weird

She caught me sniffing her daughter’s dildo.


Aftermath: I moved my crap out the next day.