best-of

 

“At least he was clean…”

best of sex

After sex, I asked him why he spent so much time in the bathroom before returning to bed, and he said “I had to wash my genitals.”

—Lolita

Aftermath: It ended one month later, which was one month too long.

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“Sniffing Redux”

best of weird

She caught me sniffing her daughter’s dildo.

—John

Aftermath: I moved my crap out the next day.

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“MIA”

best of secrets!

I found out he had gone MIA because he had been in jail. I stupidly took him back only to have him go MIA…again.

Kate

Aftermath: I quit trying to pursue the “relationship,” or lack thereof. Years later, I also found out the entire time we had been datinghe was engaged.

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“Guinea Pig Killer”

best of weird

My boyfriend told me he lost my guinea pig while playing with it. Thirty minutes later, we found it behind the couchdead. A week later, I forgave him and he bought me a new one. Not even a month later he accidentally killed that one too and stuck it in a trash bag next to a can of raviolis that he made 2 minutes after the poor animal died. And this was not the weirdest thing about him either…

Secret

Aftermath: I went to the bathroom to cry and when I came out, I dumped him! He is now known as Guinea Pig Killer.

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“Better Left Unsaid”

best of secrets!

When boyfriend slept with my best friend over 10 times and thought it was OK to tell me because we were broken up then.

—Steph

Aftermath: After he told me, I beat my disease-infested best friend’s ass. I see him every now and then because he lives up the street from my mom. What an a-hole.

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