best of chemistry
She spent our date telling me how she’d had an affair with our waitress, which was fine. That happens when you date a stripper—it’s half the reason you date a stripper. But, when she took me home, she drove demon-fast, erratically and sang over an ear-splitting stereo. She then flashed the cars next to us while swerving into their lane.
—Rob
Aftermath: I never called her again, though she did show up at my house on her break, wearing a waist-length blond wig. I turned her down gently, not telling her that she was two degrees too crazy for me.
best of sex
I asked him what his sexual fantasy was, and he said, “Two redheads.” I’m a brunette.
—Autumn
Aftermath: He left me two months later. For a blonde.
best of chemistry
We worked together at a bar and you know how that goes: Sweaty work tensions can be relieved with sweaty play. One night after closing the place, we end up back at her studio apartment and go directly bed-wards, where things were marvelous. Afterward, as she slept, I had to use the bathroom and I noticed something very strange about her apartment. She didn’t own a single book. Not one. Not even a thriller or a bodice-ripper or a Reader’s Digest Condensed Classic. That was that.
—Will
best of quirks
It was over when she said, “I was talking to my therapist about you and she said…”
—AKK
Aftermath: It was over in 2 weeks.
best of sex
When I was a freshman in high school, my first serious girlfriend opened me up to the wonders of make-out marathons. Although there was no actual sex, there was that (in hindsight, depressing) orgasm-through-clothing experience-but only her clothing, her orgasms. Soon, it became expected, and never reciprocated. As summer approached, she made it clear that we were going to sleep together, but I was growing physically sore and weary of our lop-sided mash sessions. I didn’t mind “waiting” and wasn’t applying pressure, but her attitude irked me. Once, just before summer break, she joked, “Well, I could always say no.” So could I. Sex was power and a game to her, and I took my piece off the board. So to speak.
—John
Aftermath: I didn’t call her much after that, and handled it very badly, dragging out the official breakup until after the summer.
