“Proper English”

best of

I got an IM that read: “i want to take a nap with you lol not in a lovey dovey way lmao.”

I prefer to be wooed in Standard English, with bonus points for AP or Chicago Style.


Aftermath: I stopped responding to his messages, and explained that it was because we weren’t compatible.

This post was submitted by anem0ne.


“WINNER! Hush”

best of sex

While in bed, I complimented one of his (only successful) sexual moves. He told me I was “ruining his concentration.” He shushed me during sex!


Aftermath: It was over before he was finished!

This post was submitted by Jen.

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best of secrets!

After dating for nine months, he randomly started ignoring me, and finally decided to make it official with a phone call — well, sort of. “You may have figured out I’m with your friend now…don’t throw darts at her picture.” No, I reserved all my darts for your picture, thanks.


Aftermath: A year later, we were friends again. The girl, on the other hand, tried to date all my boyfriends until she moved to a different state!

This post was submitted by Laeci.

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“Way to Sell Yourself”

best of clashes

We had been dating long distance for a couple months when he called to tell me he had just slapped the crap out of some random woman who disagreed with something he had said. He was quite excited about it too. In a word? WOW.


Aftermath: I stopped answering his calls. He kept calling for 6 months using different phone numbers. Dodged a bullet there.

This post was submitted by Taylor.

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“Five Pesos”

best of secrets!

I woke up one morning with a text message in Spanish that I couldn’t read, so I took it to the cafe next to my apartment to have somebody translate for me. The message said, “Ricardo left and he’s never going to return.” Then I didn’t hear from him again…


Aftermath: After a few weeks of emails from him telling me not to worry, that he would explain everything to me when he got back, I recieved a phone call from him telling me he had a girlfriend and he never wanted to talk to me again. I was devastated. He spent his last 5 pesos breaking up with me!

This post was submitted by Jen.

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