It Was Over When: Tales of Romantic Dead Ends » best of

Girls

tdomf_feb82 — Tue, 22 May 2012 13:00:57 +0000

After a year of what I thought was a pretty strong relationship, she suddenly decided she wanted to see other people. “What other people?” I asked. “Girls,” she replied.

—Jeff

Aftermath: It pretty much ended right then and there, although it took her two weeks to get all of her crap out of my apartment…

Athiest morals

admin — Fri, 18 May 2012 13:00:12 +0000

He told me that he didn’t believe you can have morals if you weren’t raised in the church. My dad is an atheist and my mother a lapsed Lutheran. I am also an atheist; he knew all of this.

—J.WO

Aftermath: We broke up a few months later, remained roommates for a few more months after that. We are both in the process of moving out. We are still best friends.

Divorce papers

admin — Thu, 17 May 2012 13:00:41 +0000

I knew it was over when his wife called me to find out where she could send the divorce papers.

—Ali

Aftermath: She and I are friends. Who knows where he is now?

Completing the Family

admin — Mon, 14 May 2012 13:00:12 +0000

He brought his ex-wife to our dinner date. Not only was her name the same as mine, but he explained that they were looking to complete their family. He then proceeded to tell me the rules of the house and punishment for breaking those rules (something about flogging). Yeah, that wasn’t happening.

—Jenn

Aftermath: They are still looking for their third!

Princess & the pee

admin — Thu, 10 May 2012 13:00:49 +0000

I had a dream where I was a princess and he was a commoner. He took me away from my life cooped up in the palace and I was free, freer than ever before as we rode away on a white horse. Then we dismounted in a secluded glade, and he started peeing on my feet. No matter where I moved or how I tried to get away, he kept pissing on my feet and laughing at how upset I was getting. Things have been going downhill for a while, but I woke up with a light bulb over my head after that.

—Nia

Aftermath: The end is in sight.

Milk

admin — Mon, 07 May 2012 13:00:02 +0000

We went on a date despite the fact that she had just given birth three months ago (I didn’t ask and didn’t care). We were making out in my car and she kept complaining that her boobs hurt when she didn’t “remove” the milk. She asked me if I wanted to see them. As a guy, I would NEVER turn down the sight of boobs. I thought it was an invitation to upcoming sex, but I was DEAD wrong. She relieved herself by squirting milk all over the inside of my car, dashboard, rear-view mirror…

—Accol

Aftermath: Ever try scrubbing breast milk off the inside of your car? Didn’t think so.

ABBA and Liza

admin — Sun, 06 May 2012 13:00:48 +0000

I couldn’t believe I had found a guy who shared my appreciation of ABBA and Liza Minnelli…until he told me “I’m not straight, but don’t worry, I don’t actually want to sleep with guys.”

—Amy

Aftermath: He lost his beard that day. He still can’t understand why I won’t just look past his orientation.

Guilty

admin — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 13:00:50 +0000

When he told me that we couldn’t move in together because he’d feel guilty when he brought other girls home.

—Natalie

Aftermath: Moved in with the guy I was sleeping with before him. He’s living with a guy.

Date-ability

admin — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 13:00:26 +0000

I knew it wouldn’t last long after she told me that I had passed her guy “date-ability” list, missing only one out of 34 requirements. I thought she was kidding until she showed me the actual checked off list.

—LA boy

Aftermath: One week.

Certain things

admin — Tue, 24 Apr 2012 13:00:16 +0000

After dating for awhile, her boss met me at a party and liked me better. He started asking her to get my advice on things. She lost her limelight to me. I knew it was over when she asked me to delete “certain things” we had done on video.

—Science

Aftermath: We slept together one more time after the break up just because it was always wild. Not heard from her since.